Dubai announces first 'oxygenless' hotel

Following the successes of ice hotels and underwater hotels, Dubai – the Bluewater of the Middle East – has announced its plans to open a property entirely devoid of any form of breathable atmospheric gasses. The Vacu’um Hotel will be sealed in its own hermetic bubble in an as-yet-undisclosed location somewhere in the oil-drunk emirate. The property will welcome a diverse range of guests, from billionaire Russian oligarchs to the young girlfriends of  billionaire Russian oligarchs.

A spokesman for the conglomerate of property developers behind the hotel said that it would be a revolutionary step in hospitality. “We have moved beyond the facile travails of chilblains from ice beds or being needlessly underwater,” said the source. “Dubai does not take second place in any arena. We want the biggest, the tallest, and yes, the least convenient accommodation options in the world.”

It is proposed that on check-in, guests will receive oxygen tanks, which will be strapped to their backs to allow them to enjoy the hotel’s airless facilities. Vacu’um will employ ‘respiration concierges’ to assist guests with their apparatus.

Guests will even be able to breath through scented oxygen tanks, choosing from menus including such odours as ‘vanilla daydream’, ‘pomegranate sauna’ and ‘Claudia Winkleman’.

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