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TRAVEL TRENDS: Smiles all round for 'crumpy' tourists

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In a time when niche travel trends looked to be floundering on the fickle rocks of public enchantment, a new innovation looks set to sail plainly into many travellers’ plans for the near future. Combining the relentless glamour of a cruise with the self-righteous smugness of camping, ‘crumping’ is a fashion that tour operators GlobeFace are confidently launching into an increasingly fragmented market. “Forget staycations and babymoons,” said GlobeFace MD Madeline Cleft defiantly. “Literally forget them, even if it takes a course of cognitive therapy, because crumping is the travel trend of the future.”

Their modified cruise liner, Meadow of the Seas, will make its maiden voyage from Southampton in early 2015. All the cabins have been stripped away, with extended, astro-turfed decking areas given over to semi-rigid tents. Facilities have been downgraded for an authentic campsite experience, including semi-hygenic bathrooms and a breakfast buffet that involves huddling over a small stove and waiting half an hour for a sausage.

“There’s only ever been one problem with camping,” said Cleft, “And that’s that you could only ever do it on dry land. Our liner offers you all the monotony of a transatlantic cruise with the massive inconveniences that campers have had to themselves for all these years.”

Back to GOING ANYWHERE NICE?

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