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CABIN PRESSURE

Review your fellow passengers! We invite you to submit your shared-space traveler stories and we'll publish the best. Our aim is to promote travel civility, considerate to the needs and comforts of those around us on our trains, planes, buses and hovercraft. We're all in it together, after all. Don't be gratuitously rude (and we're obviously not down with any bigotry) but do send us your travel tales. take a look at previous entries for the format and then simply click the button below:

submit your review

Passengers we don't love: Conrad Hilton

3/2/2015

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We got excited when we saw a headline (sans photo) imagining an eccentric, aging hotel mogul having an old-person meltdown on a transatlantic flight. Sadly it wasn't to be, not least because the gentleman in question died in 1979 (it says on Wikipedia). I mean, the rantings of an elderly gazillionaire would at least have had some semblance of quaint charm. Less so when it's just torrents of abuse being distastefully ejected from the mouth of one of his more objectionable descendants, also named Conrad Hilton.

Among the delights from the 20-year old airborne charmer were the following verbal emissions:
- "If you wanna square up to me bro, then bring it and I will f*cking fight you."
- "I am going to f*cking kill you."
- "I will f*cking rip through you."
- "I will f*cking own anyone on this flight; they are f*cking peasants."

According to gossip-monging website TMZ, witnesses told officials that Hilton grabbed a flight attendant's shirt and informed him, "I could get you all fired in five minutes. I know your boss. My father will pay this out. He has done it before. Dad paid $300k last time." The sleepy little lamb then passed out, which was a cue for flight staff to promptly handcuff him to the seat. Reports say he was so out of control and aggressive that children (peasant children, presumably) on the flight were crying.

Recalling the 2002 protests of similarly wealthy flier Peter Buck (of REM fame), a rogue sleeping pill was allegedly the culprit, these little air-rage-bombs apparently the bane of celebrity flying. Buck famously attacked the flight crew on his flight with yoghurt (did any newspapers at the time go with the headline 'Everybody (yog)Hurts"? and if not, WHY not?). Presumably the HIlton millions will keep young Conrad out of official legal trouble, though as to his claims that he "buried" the flight attendants? Sure you did, bro...sure you did. - See more at: http://www.shandypockets.com/blog/conrad-hilton-will-fing-kill-you#sthash.ovxstZyj.dpuf
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Passengers we don't love: The Alarming Entitlement

19/6/2014

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Outside of the masochistically insane, we none of us like close connections. Granted, there's a a rush of 'living on the edge'-type adrenaline as the first plane taxis in and there's no jetway and you have 30 minutes to get across the terminal  and you really wanted to grab a quick Zinger Burger from KFC and can you really just take that on the plane and you're way down the back and everyone is taking an age to get their carry-on and now you're approaching stroke-inducing levels of annoyance and it's so unlikely you're going to make it now, but it's not the despair that kills you, it's the hope...always the hope.

What's a modern traveler to do? How about take a leaf out of this enterprising chap's big book of entitlement as he tries to make a connection at London City Airport to get to Frankfurt? Getting off one plane late and looking like you might have to rebook? Never mind, simply set off an alarm to make sure that your Frankfurt plane doesn't leave and in the meantime cause the entire airport to be evacuated and NO FLIGHTS TO LEAVE AT ALL. After all, buddy, the entire European flight network is just for your convenience. What other choice did you have? THERE WAS LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE YOU COULD DO.

If we had a special ranking for negative passenger ratings, this chump would be the only person in it. It's one thing to torment and rankle your fellow passengers once you're on the move. It's quite the breathtaking other thing to decimate the travel plans of an entire airport because you might have to wait two hours to get home. You already win worst passenger of 2014. Category closed. Thank you, and goodnight Vienna. Well, Frankfurt. 

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Passengers we don't love: The Foot

4/5/2014

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As cramped as airline seats can be, the obvious rule of thumb/arm/leg is not to allow parts of your body to stray into other passengers' space. It's all at a premium, and even the most basic encroachment can be a flight-ruining move (think about the constant battle of wits and elbows taking place over the middle arm rest,  for instance). However, most personal space violations take place in adjoining seats - it takes real nerve and arrogance to enter the space in the seat row IN FRONT of you, as this rogue sock proves, much to everyone's disgust.

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Yet more actors vie for attention

1/4/2014

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Yeah, we're not really sure about this one. On one hand, what's wrong with some live entertainment to liven up the grinding tedium of boarding your flight? Something to click your fingers and tap your feet to as you jam your carry-on luggage into the overhead locker, carelessly squashing hat boxes and packed lunches.

On the other hand, unless you're a fan of musical theatre, the prospect of being a captive audience as a rogue band of chorus members strike up an unavoidable rendition of a Lion King song might be a worse nightmare than substantial turbulence. All I can say is, see how many people are ACTUALLY applauding outside of the people singing. And the guy on the left at the end looks positively mortified.

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Passengers we don't love: Benedict Cumberbatch

27/3/2014

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OR: No sit, Sherlock
This report just in from cultural watchdogs Popbitch about a case of privilege and kindness gone unrewarded in the heady heights of a first class cabin:

'Getting Benny-dicked around'
Benedict Cumberbatch was on a flight when he told the purser he "wasn't comfortable" and wanted different seat. Although it's hard to think that any first-class seat wouldn't be comfortable, the woman in the seat he wanted didn't mind and agreed to swap.
   
A little later, Benny decided he preferred his original seat. Again, the woman swapped. Not being from the UK or the States, she had no idea who the passenger with ants-in-his-pants was so, emboldened by the free champagne, she asked him. The actor replied that he was the voice of the dragon in the Hobbit films and seemed somewhat put out when she burst out laughing.

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