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CABIN PRESSURE

Review your fellow passengers! We invite you to submit your shared-space traveler stories and we'll publish the best. Our aim is to promote travel civility, considerate to the needs and comforts of those around us on our trains, planes, buses and hovercraft. We're all in it together, after all. Don't be gratuitously rude (and we're obviously not down with any bigotry) but do send us your travel tales. take a look at previous entries for the format and then simply click the button below:

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The Real Madrid: CENTRAL LONDON - FINSBURY PARK BY BUS

28/9/2013

1 Comment

 
Journey: A 40 minute bus ride.
The scene: It's around 1am, on the Night Bus. I'm sat on the lower deck.
Describe your fellow traveller: A group of three kids around 19, all male.
The review: The in-bus conversation was just a delight. I sat near the back, just in front of the group, who were treating the passengers some improvised rap. The names have been omitted as I never found them out. Youth 1 had just let rip with a stream of rhyming couplets, within which I could only make out choice phrases such as “dirty ho’s” and “stretch li-mo’s”, a lifestyle which he seemed to enjoy on his other nights out, when he wasn't taking the bus. He ended intriguingly, referring to a possible assignation in the far east that he had enjoyed: “Cruisin’ around, lookin’ to get laid, just like doin’ it downtown in HK…”

This abbreviated reference  baffled his chums.

Y2: Where the fuck is HK, man?

Y3: Hackney?

Y1: Work it out, man! It’s a place. In Asia.

Y2: Is it in Europe?

Y1: No. In Asia. I think it used to be in Europe, innit?

Y3: It’s like Helsinki, or summat?

Y1: No, man, it’s like in Kung Fu movies, stylish an’ all that…

Y2: Is it in Spain?

Y1: There’s a cartoon. HK, man. Think!

Y2: Hong Kong Phooey!

Y1: Yeah, man!

This inspired the group to embark on abbreviating other cities, and start a charming parlour game that would prove to be a fascinating diversion. It entailed a highly-charged battle of wits:

Y2: OK, I got one for you fools. RM!

Y3: Is it in Asia?

Y1: No, man, it ain’t!

Y2: I ain’t even told you yet! OK, It’s in Europe.

Y3: Rome.

Y1: You fool, man. The initials are RM.

Y3: Rotterdam, innit?

Y2: It’s R! M!

Y1: Is it in Asia? Or did it used to be?

Y3: (suddenly inspired) Romania!

Y2: It’s a city! It’s in Europe, innit?

At this point, it’s fair to say that I was pretty stumped, too. Perhaps it was some obscure Balkan principality or a low profile Swedish industrial centre? I hoped the inquisitor would provide us with a meaty clue.

Y2: OK, I’ll give you fools a meaty clue. They've got a famous football team. 

Y3: It ain’t Rome?

Y2: No, man!

Y3: Roma! That’s how they say it in Italy, innit?

Y2: It ain’t Rome or Roma, man! It’s R M!

Y1: This is BORIN’ me now, man. Just tell us.

Y2: It’s Real Madrid.

Y1/3: (and me, in my mind) WHAT?! Shut the fuck up, man!

Y2: Nah, straight up, That’s how they say it in Spanish, innit?

Y1: You’re havin’ a laugh, fool.

Y2: You’re the fool. In Spain, Madrid is called Real Madrid because that’s the REAL name, innit?

Y3: Nah, he’s right, man, I saw it on telly.

Y1: I don’t know. OK, here’s one…M

Sadly, I had to disembark the bus, and I left them to whittle down the mouth-watering possibilities of which city ‘M’ could stand for, or whether they might yet again confuse the name of a city with the name of its football team…

Verdict: Could not have scripted it better. Consumate entertainment.
Rating: 5/5
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