Me: Guest Services.
Guest: Do you have any condoms?
Me: (holding back disgusted sigh) there is an intimacy kit in your mini bar, sir.
Guest: (checks drawer and sees price) That's too much, man!
Me: Well, sir there are two places nearby where you can pick up some.
Guest: I don't feel like going out to get some. Do you have any on you?
Guest: Ugh, you guys are no help. (slams phone)
Stay classy, guests.